A seemingly trivial conversation on the elevator up to my office this morning has got me thinking about how much is too much to say at work. Well, at least about personal things. The conversation went something like this:
Co-worker: How is your daughter?
Me: Great!
Co-worker: How old is she now?
Me: She’s 2. Well, 2 + a few months.
Co-worker: She’s your only one, right? Will there be more?
Me: Umm, well…..we’ve been trying but nothing has happened.
Co-worker: Oh great!
The rest of the day, I’ve been thinking about this conversation because there’s so much more to the story besides, “We’ve been trying but nothing has happened.” But of course, you can’t elaborate on that kind of information in an elevator ride first thing on a Friday morning. In fact, I don’t think I should elaborate but part of me wants to say, “Yes, we’ve been trying for a year and half now. I’ve even been on fertility drugs the past 4 months with no luck. So we decided to just stop “trying” and whatever happens, happens. We want another child very badly, but we’re not willing put my health at risk and keep trying for years on end until I’m 39 and he’s 41.”
I hear it all the time around the office and in other conversations. People with only 1 child get criticized for only having 1 child. “He only has the one to worry about.” “They hardly have to manage the way I do with my three kids.” “It must be nice to only have put your resources towards one child.” But do these people throwing the barbs even know why there’s only one child? Maybe it’s for financial reasons, or infertility, or maybe the mother’s health could be at risk.
It really is getting hard to answer the question, “Are you going to have another?” without feeling the need to explain it beyond “We are trying.” Because in truth, we aren’t trying anymore. We are just taking life as it comes and if it comes with another child (or not) then it’s what is meant to be.