I am, the other woman.  Not in the truest sense of that phrase, but as my husband’s second wife and step-mother to his child, I am automatically considered evil, unworthy and a bad parent.  Mind you, we met after his divorce (and mine) and have a child together and I have been a part of their lives for 8 years now, 6 of it in marriage.  But when conflict arises and schedules go bump in the night, the collateral damage ends up in my lap.  What, you’ve got a birthday party already planned for your own child?! Too bad!  What, you’ve put down a deposit on a vacation spot? Tough shit!  Your family has an annual event?  So sorry, they are not REALLY step-daughter’s family, so it doesn’t count.

Yep, sounds like a pity party on my part.  The funny thing is, I always give in, say it’s ok, I understand, if that’s what is best for the child they created.  I love her, take care of her as if she was my own, go to bat for her, try to see it from her point of view and try to get dad to ease up.  I do all the things that a mother would do.  Except have expectations.  Because having expectations would be unfair, too much pressure, she won’t want to come back, her time is limited and the rules are different.

How will this look to my own daughter?  Will she cry injustice?  Will she understand?  Or will I be an unfair parent that let her half-sister get away with being a slob and demand that she pick up her toys.

But now, something has happened.  The first wife is becoming the other woman.  Two kids that have their own mother.  We’ll see how the shoe fits.  How valuable her time is and how suddenly, her family should be important to his kids too.  How their schedule with Mom can’t change because it doesn’t fit her schedule.  Step-parents get a bad rap, I hope she doesn’t add to it.

Bedtime is *the* time that is one of the best times for me. The routine of jammies, stories, teeth, potty and lights out is so predictable, but it is usually the only thing predictable in my day. It is the kind of predicatable that is comforting and soothing at the the same time. I enjoy the time to snuggle and read. To have the same questions asked at the same time during the same stories. (“Why is the lion mad, mommy?” “Why did Clifford lift the car, mommy”) To have the same conversation about how we HAVE to scrub her teeth before bed. To ask if she wants to use the big potty or little potty. To sing the same song, have the same verse added and be asked to stay “tree” minutes longer. And every night, I have to convince her that Swipper the Fox lives only in the television and even if he did come to life in our house, Zoe (our dog) would scare him away. Lastly, I have to tell her I’m tired, that it’s time for quiet time and we say our goodnights, hugs and kisses, see you in the morning and I love you’s.

If I could fit in her toddler bed, I’d snuggle up some nights.

Once again tonight, I was the hard a** momma. I hate being that way, but I just couldn’t let it go. After a great night of swimming lessons and accolades for being so brave when she got her flu shot, Sofia got snotty. So snotty with her father that I just couldn’t let it go.

The scene: I get done taking a bath, go into her room to finish getting her ready for bed (dad did the first part) and what does she do? Takes her daddy’s hand, walks him to the door and says, “No kissses for you.” Then she proceeds to shut the bedroom door. He went downstairs.

I just couldn’t let it go. It was so mean. So calculated. I know she’s 3, but she wasn’t joking.

So I announced no stories, get into the bathroom where I scrubbed her teeth between her crying and had her get into bed. Lights out and then I said, “When you can decide to be nice to daddy, you call us back in. I love you, but I am disappointed in your behavior towards daddy.”

Out I went.

Not a peep since.

We’ll see what the morning brings.

As I said on my Twitter post, I need to get things going again. I’ve said it many time before, but this time the blogging will start again. Life must get balanced, time is manageable and writing will be therapy. It has been far too long since I’ve been here.

Just when I thought the second child issue was put to rest, I went and had a laparoscopy for my endometriosis two weeks ago and now my OB/GYN has declared me free flowing. So we are going to “try” again for a couple months. If nothing happens, hubby is willing to get himself and his boys checked out. In reality, nothing has happened in 2 years of trying, whether trying meant not paying attention and hoping it would just happen, taking fertility drugs, taking my temperature and charting or buying overprices ovulation test kits. Nothing has happened. I had one cycle when I was 3 days late, but the stick didn’t have matching lines. It may just be age. It might not be meant to be. We have one extremely intelligent and absolutely beautiful daughter and maybe that’s all we are meant to have. And she has a half-sister, so it’s not like she doesn’t have a sibling. But that sibling, as much as they love each other, is on the edge of the teenage years and who know how long she’ll still want to come visit her sister that is 8 years her junior.

The other thought that hits me like a brick wall is the “what if something happens” thought. Then, my only child would be alone. My siblings were a source of so much strength and power when dad died 5 years ago and I wonder how I would have been able to get through it without them.

Time will tell if there is another in store for us. If not, the one we have is plenty.

Remember the Milk is a great tool for busy folks to keep the facet of their lives organized. It will sync with iCal and other calendars, accept notations from Jott.com and allow you share and publish your site. (if you are sharing tasks in a group!) Here are a few screen shots:

I have to admit, that I haven’t had the time to use it to the best of my ability, but I intend to. This is one of the many great tools out there for busy folks moms to keep organized with a little help from technology. Now if only I could use it to show my 2 1/2 year old how beneficial going to bed at 8:00 o’clock and sleeping until at least 7 a.m. would be.

While I was getting ready for work this morning I flipped on the local news to catch the weather forecast for today. Mr. Morning Weather Guy was in quite-the-mood this morning:

MMWG: Today, the high will be 38. Yes that’s 10 to 15 below normal for this time of year. And the rest of the week will be about the same with some rain, snow and sleet tossed in. Like it’s anything different from what we’ve had. If you detect a bit a sarcasm in my voice, you are correct. I don’t make the weather folks, I just report it.

It’s ok MMWG, I understand, I understand.

On another note: I’ll get to the Remember the Milk info I promised a couple of weeks ago later today.

I did it.  I finished my paper TWO DAYS EARLY!  Effing sweet.  Of course, I don’t say “effing” around the child, but I can say it here.  Why? Because it is 11:51 p.m. and I am still up after finishing my paper AND, AND doing the lesson debriefing.  I can now go to the hockey game tomorrow night without guilt and NOT think about school until Sunday.  Which is when the next lesson begins.  Online learning is great.

Side note:  Sofia had THE worst meltdown of her short 2 1/2 year old life last night when the play date was over with her daycare best pal.  Physically restraining your child to get her into her car seat is just not cool.  The screaming, tolerable.  The arching back to avoid being physcially held, restrained and strapped into a vehicle in just not high on my list of “Things I wanted to experience when I become a mom” list.

Promise: I will let you know about RemembertheMilk.com in my next post. (This weekend)  I’ve been kind of busy.

Last Thursday and Friday, I attended an conference on K-12 classroom technology.   Some of the focus was on tools for the classroom, but another portion of it focused on tools that teachers could use online.  Since here in Michigan, there is a new requirement for all high school seniors to take at least one online course, there is new focus on the tools for teachers to use.  Web 2.0 tools are great for collaboration and building those online skills.

In the process of attending sessions, I found some cool tools that I myself have started using.  I may be behind the curve in discovering these, so you’ll have to excuse me if you all already know about these.  The first is:

http://jott.com

Jott.com is a site that provides a toll free number that you call to add items to your Google Calendar, blog, to do lists or send a remind text message to yourself.  It translates voice to text, so when you want to add something to your WordPress blog (as I did above), you call the toll free number, say WordPress, confirm with a yes, and then record.  Usually within 5 minutes your post with be made.  I used it yesterday to send a text message to myself at 10 a.m. with my grocery list while I was thinking about what I needed to get earlier in the morning.   I have to give credit to Liz Kolb of Cell Phones in Learning for showing me this cool web and FREE tool.

I have to get back to writing a paper for school, so tomorrow I’ll tell you about Remember the Milk.

In the motherhood, for mom’s, by mom’s, about mom’s. It’s a great site with video stories submitted by mom’s and played out by actors including Jenny McCarthy and Leah Remini. It is inthemotherhood.com. listen

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