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The other woman

I am, the other woman.  Not in the truest sense of that phrase, but as my husband’s second wife and step-mother to his child, I am automatically considered evil, unworthy and a bad parent.  Mind you, we met after his divorce (and mine) and have a child together and I have been a part of their lives for 8 years now, 6 of it in marriage.  But when conflict arises and schedules go bump in the night, the collateral damage ends up in my lap.  What, you’ve got a birthday party already planned for your own child?! Too bad!  What, you’ve put down a deposit on a vacation spot? Tough shit!  Your family has an annual event?  So sorry, they are not REALLY step-daughter’s family, so it doesn’t count.

Yep, sounds like a pity party on my part.  The funny thing is, I always give in, say it’s ok, I understand, if that’s what is best for the child they created.  I love her, take care of her as if she was my own, go to bat for her, try to see it from her point of view and try to get dad to ease up.  I do all the things that a mother would do.  Except have expectations.  Because having expectations would be unfair, too much pressure, she won’t want to come back, her time is limited and the rules are different.

How will this look to my own daughter?  Will she cry injustice?  Will she understand?  Or will I be an unfair parent that let her half-sister get away with being a slob and demand that she pick up her toys.

But now, something has happened.  The first wife is becoming the other woman.  Two kids that have their own mother.  We’ll see how the shoe fits.  How valuable her time is and how suddenly, her family should be important to his kids too.  How their schedule with Mom can’t change because it doesn’t fit her schedule.  Step-parents get a bad rap, I hope she doesn’t add to it.

Bedtime

Bedtime is *the* time that is one of the best times for me. The routine of jammies, stories, teeth, potty and lights out is so predictable, but it is usually the only thing predictable in my day. It is the kind of predicatable that is comforting and soothing at the the same time. I enjoy the time to snuggle and read. To have the same questions asked at the same time during the same stories. (“Why is the lion mad, mommy?” “Why did Clifford lift the car, mommy”) To have the same conversation about how we HAVE to scrub her teeth before bed. To ask if she wants to use the big potty or little potty. To sing the same song, have the same verse added and be asked to stay “tree” minutes longer. And every night, I have to convince her that Swipper the Fox lives only in the television and even if he did come to life in our house, Zoe (our dog) would scare him away. Lastly, I have to tell her I’m tired, that it’s time for quiet time and we say our goodnights, hugs and kisses, see you in the morning and I love you’s.

If I could fit in her toddler bed, I’d snuggle up some nights.

The hard a**

Once again tonight, I was the hard a** momma. I hate being that way, but I just couldn’t let it go. After a great night of swimming lessons and accolades for being so brave when she got her flu shot, Sofia got snotty. So snotty with her father that I just couldn’t let it go.

The scene: I get done taking a bath, go into her room to finish getting her ready for bed (dad did the first part) and what does she do? Takes her daddy’s hand, walks him to the door and says, “No kissses for you.” Then she proceeds to shut the bedroom door. He went downstairs.

I just couldn’t let it go. It was so mean. So calculated. I know she’s 3, but she wasn’t joking.

So I announced no stories, get into the bathroom where I scrubbed her teeth between her crying and had her get into bed. Lights out and then I said, “When you can decide to be nice to daddy, you call us back in. I love you, but I am disappointed in your behavior towards daddy.”

Out I went.

Not a peep since.

We’ll see what the morning brings.

Giving it a go

As I said on my Twitter post, I need to get things going again. I’ve said it many time before, but this time the blogging will start again. Life must get balanced, time is manageable and writing will be therapy. It has been far too long since I’ve been here.

Just when I thought the second child issue was put to rest, I went and had a laparoscopy for my endometriosis two weeks ago and now my OB/GYN has declared me free flowing. So we are going to “try” again for a couple months. If nothing happens, hubby is willing to get himself and his boys checked out. In reality, nothing has happened in 2 years of trying, whether trying meant not paying attention and hoping it would just happen, taking fertility drugs, taking my temperature and charting or buying overprices ovulation test kits. Nothing has happened. I had one cycle when I was 3 days late, but the stick didn’t have matching lines. It may just be age. It might not be meant to be. We have one extremely intelligent and absolutely beautiful daughter and maybe that’s all we are meant to have. And she has a half-sister, so it’s not like she doesn’t have a sibling. But that sibling, as much as they love each other, is on the edge of the teenage years and who know how long she’ll still want to come visit her sister that is 8 years her junior.

The other thought that hits me like a brick wall is the “what if something happens” thought. Then, my only child would be alone. My siblings were a source of so much strength and power when dad died 5 years ago and I wonder how I would have been able to get through it without them.

Time will tell if there is another in store for us. If not, the one we have is plenty.

Future Guitar Hero star

Sofia and Daddy Rockin’ Out

Remember the Milk

Remember the Milk is a great tool for busy folks to keep the facet of their lives organized. It will sync with iCal and other calendars, accept notations from Jott.com and allow you share and publish your site. (if you are sharing tasks in a group!) Here are a few screen shots:

Organizer Tabs

Publish and Share tabs

Tagging

iCal sync

I have to admit, that I haven’t had the time to use it to the best of my ability, but I intend to. This is one of the many great tools out there for busy folks moms to keep organized with a little help from technology. Now if only I could use it to show my 2 1/2 year old how beneficial going to bed at 8:00 o’clock and sleeping until at least 7 a.m. would be. :)

The bitter weather man

While I was getting ready for work this morning I flipped on the local news to catch the weather forecast for today. Mr. Morning Weather Guy was in quite-the-mood this morning:

MMWG: Today, the high will be 38. Yes that’s 10 to 15 below normal for this time of year. And the rest of the week will be about the same with some rain, snow and sleet tossed in. Like it’s anything different from what we’ve had. If you detect a bit a sarcasm in my voice, you are correct. I don’t make the weather folks, I just report it.

It’s ok MMWG, I understand, I understand.

On another note: I’ll get to the Remember the Milk info I promised a couple of weeks ago later today.

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